You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
