after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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