then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ttyl tear gas
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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