so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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