You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
