I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...