Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything