if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.