Only a mothe r could love this liver
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
