I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
