Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
