i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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