That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
