Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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