I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
