Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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