You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
