a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
