it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
