i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
