If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
