Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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