Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
