I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
