while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
