She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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