Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my god I love twenty year old dicks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
