My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize