Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
