When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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