My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
