So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
should my penis look like a turkey
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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