I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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