There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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