K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
