Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
