I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
