Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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