I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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