my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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