tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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