So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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