I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
