I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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