Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
