when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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