Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
