proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
