Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
