I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
