I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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