I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
