Don't make out with my wife yet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
