I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize