My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
