I want to have your abortion
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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