All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
