**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Randomize
