I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
