and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
