the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
