Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.

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(805): View more from California

Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...

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(773): View more from Illinois

Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?

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