dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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