Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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