dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
