Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I didn't shave. On purpose
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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